Friday, March 4, 2011
New Life
Goodbye old friends who still live with the flesh, I love you, but I cannot be with you now, for I am living for the King. Stop living in your former ways, take up your cross and follow Jesus. Believe and take comfort O weary wanderer. Repent and be baptized sinner, for there is victory!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Opposable Thumbs
So lately I’ve found a new way to express my depravity, and while it may seem miniscule in scope and consequence on the surface, it has both short term and long term consequences that play out quite terribly for God and my-self. The sin is self-confidence. And while I will defend to the death our necessity to have confidence in certain situations, and especially to be able to express ourselves to one another with assertion rather than aggression, the bottom line is that self-confidence is born of pride. The only confidence we should have is in Christ, and we will get to that as I digress.
I will say that it has been nice being so confident in oneself for a change (as I feel I’m generally falling in and out of depression), but the reliance of sin for such a long season of my life makes two weeks of self-confidence kind of useless. I know the passages that urge me to give myself to Jesus and to Jesus alone, but they aren’t really written on my heart. So when push comes to shove, my thoughts dwell on how I can manufacture sin without being judged for it. I really am only pushing the boundaries of sociopathy where my true desires come out in my anger. In truth, I’m relying on myself and not on God, so I put life on hold so that I can try to enjoy a small pleasure which ultimately means nothing.
Abhorrent to the characteristics of a loving God who calls me to righteousness and faithfully walking according to His commandments my whole life (2 John 1:6), my heart has not grown accustomed to the ways of God as it has rested in the ways of man. The more I try, the more I lose, and the more plain my depravity is made to me. But how is it then possible to contain my pride as I put away all these detestable practices that I once journeyed so far in participation? I’m so happy for my A in my class or my advanced knowledge or reasoning or keeping my room clean or knowledge of scripture when I must understand that these are not things to be proud of any more than I should be proud that I have eyesight or opposable thumbs!
Would I go around proclaiming to the world, “Look! My thumbs oppose my fingers! Isn’t that sooooo cool!!!??? I can pick stuff up with only one hand! Look at me and respect me for I am fortuitous and grandiose in scope and amazement because I have opposable thumbs!” Yes, you’re right, it’s ridiculous. And so it is also ridiculous to act out of a new life (that which is given by God, claimed for perfection by Christ, and upheld by His Holy Spirit) and to boast of such deeds. So you’re living better than before, you should have been living that way all along! Why suddenly is it important to boast? To say I have done well or that I deserve praise for doing what I have been able to do all along—but have not done because of my love for disobedience and my hatred towards God—is absurd.
It is Christ who has done well for me and the Lord of Hosts who gives me strength to do well for Him. So what have I to boast in if not in the cross? In fact, what can I boast in that is not the cross? My tears turn me inward, and lead me to desiring satisfaction. I have no companion to uphold my heart and satisfy my soul, so I try to glean it from self satisfaction and people’s praise. Then my identity begins to be made by my accomplishments and good deeds. But do I not see that it is God who has given me good deeds to do? More than that, that he has predestined my path to walk in the manner of His good works (Eph. 2:10)! So when I am acting according to His grace, who should be praised? And whose identity should I take? What reason to boast have I except in the cross of Christ? Shall I shout it to the heavens till it is understood by all mankind? There is none that is worthy of boasting beyond the Cross. And even that act of sacrifice has been gifted to me beyond my own power. Just as I never made my thumbs, so could I not possibly imagine how to reconcile my blackened heart before a Holy and righteous God.
Indeed I have lasted these long years waiting to see myself grow up and now that it is happening, I cannot attribute such success to myself. I can only attribute such growth to God alone. Let me therefore not fight Him and stand before Him in pride, somehow convinced that I should be praised for my righteous deeds. Rather than self-confidence, I desire humility to suffer the embodiment of a servant. Lead me to the cross to commit myself to becoming more and more a living sacrifice so that as I grow into a mature man of God you might bring my heart before you as a failure.
Indeed I count my maturity and righteousness as Christ’s; from Whom it was born and to Whom it gives praise, yet I am no more than a failure in so far as my disobedience and pride has continued (and even will continue) for far too long. For I have fallen prey to the temptations of this world and have been to God as a son of disobedience (Rom. 11). Even still I fall and see the darkened wretches of a burning soul. But alas my soul has been awoken from the darkness by a power no man could uphold. As does the voice of the meekest branch singing praise to the Lord Almighty resound louder, more powerful, and more beautiful than the most grandiose of branches singing praise to itself, so too does the one who cries out in failure—far above the one who is proud in his successes, seeking consolation in his own achievements—find peace and consolation in the tender arms of the Lord.
Monday, February 14, 2011
A Sick Flo Fo All My G's
See we be livin too much just to please the world
I wanna stop but then when all my sin is unfurled,
I feel I gotta do better, y’know I gotta fight harder
I feel like when I run I gotta finish what I started
But then is it all for God, or is it all for me?
Is my obedience born of love, or this old philosophy?
Where you work real hard and you push yourself to death
Then maybe by your own power have some joy in your steps
I gotta say man, it sounds a lot like Galatians
Where they tried to fix their brokenness with the yoke of circumcision
And maybe that’s what flesh is, not just sin and immorality,
But how we always try to use our good for immortality
I wanna do the best I can so God will view me as a man,
And by some act of greatness stand to function as my own I am?
But who am I to justify my sins before a Holy God?
Can any act of righteousness compare to Jesus on the cross
Second Corinthians five and twenty-one
Says that all my sins were placed upon God’s only Son.
But more than that it’s very clear
that all the reasons for my fears
Were drowned by Him who calls me dear
And washes away all my tears
So in Christ we are righteous, and adopted as sons!
Though my heart would try to tell me that my sins mean I’m done!
Done? I’m done with fightin’ God! Without whom I would fall apart,
Like fig leaves in the garden, they don’t cover up my broken heart
Despair, pain, shame and worry,
Runnin by my-self gets blurry
Until I fall from all that hurry
And shout that you alone are worthy!
Oh Jesus bring me back to you
Your cross is what makes me to move
Not my own life of righteousness,
but yours imputed on my sickness
Breaking down these walls I’ve barred up,
Taking all the sin that’s scarred up
Freeing me to do your will,
To breathe repentance at each ill
That you unhinge this sin and pride
And walk me through, till in your Son, I abide.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
The Curious Case of John 15:16
Prayer. I'm curious. Do we know what it is? Do I know what it is? To pray to a Holy God? To the Holy God? Are we praying correctly? Is it enough to just "pray a lot"? I had a friend once tell me that he was praying a lot and nothing was happening. His situation was not changing. Of course many of you right now will say, "I know where you're going with this!" Of course we should not be praying for our situation to change but for our hearts to change, right? But is that what we do? I often find myself so jaded on the idea of prayer that I stop believing in its power. But Jesus says there is power in prayer, specifically for praying to the Father, in Jesus' name.
And this is how Jesus defines "friend" in this passage. Because we are working alongside Jesus in loving one another sacrificially as he has shown us to do, we are his friends, not his servants or slaves. So the work that we do for the Kingdom is not blind obedience because "...all that [Jeusus has] heard from [His] Father [He has] made known to [us]." Jesus makes known to us the will of God! We are not blind to the will of God, like the offensive line-man is not blind do the will of the team. Though often all he sees are the angry faces of the d-line, he is focused and determined because he is committed to the goal of the team. Similarly the Christian (though often he will only see the world and its sinfulness) is committed to the goals, workings, righteousness, and love of the Church for God's good purpose.
Think of the team as the church for a moment and Jesus as the head coach. First and foremost, the players do not choose their coach, the coach chooses them. We did not choose Jesus, he has chosen us. Secondly the players do not write the plays, the coach writes the plays. But here's where something really cool happens. The greatness of this coach, who is analogous to Jesus, doesn't sit down and write generic plays that are meant to be executed with a chance of success. Rather, this coach looks at his team, who are his friends because they come willingly for the coach's purpose, not their own, and he invents plays specifically designed for each player so that they will succeed one hundred percent of the time.
Now there is no football team who can perform like this, but if we could imagine that such a team existed, it would be analogous to the church and the purposes of the church. Because Jesus looks at us, those of us who are no longer under the bondage of slavery, who have been chosen to be friends of God, and He knows our strengths and he knows our weaknesses, He knows our needs and our wants, He knows us inside and out, through and through. And since He is absolutely sovereign, God the Father writes the plays for the church. And each play is perfect, each having a 100% success rate. There is no "chance" in God's sovereignty. If there were chance then we would have a problem with existence. But since God exists, chance does not. And this is what Jesus means when he says that the fruit we bear should abide. It means that when we gain yardage on a play, we don't lose it. We don't give up that yardage because God sustains it. God keeps the church. God maintains His saints. We persevere because God makes us to!
And so we are Jesus' friends because he chose us to be a part of the church and to follow in His example of love so that we can bear fruit so that our fruit should abide so that "whatever [we] ask the Father in [Jesus'] name, he may give [us]." And here's where the prayer comes in. Because the line-man does not pray for a new car when he sets for the hike. He asks for strength to block who he needs to block. He asks for courage to stand His ground when the play gets rough. He asks for wisdom to make well informed quick decisions. He asks for endurance to make it through the quarter. He'll even ask God to be with His team-mates, to keep them fit for action and not wavering in their work for the team. If he stops looking to the prize, if he stops fighting, or if he starts working out of obligation instead of out of a common purpose with the coach, then the player will become fatigued and frustrated. He will fight his coach instead of the opposing team, he will bring others down with him, he will demoralize the team and without delay, the coach will see the lack of focus and insubordination and the coach will take him out.
Likewise, and here's where it gets rough, the Christian does not pray for a better situation. He does not pray that his living situation will change, he does not pray that some girl will like him, he does not pray that he can sin and get away with it. Rather the Christian prays for the armor of God.
Here's the big picture: Because we're chosen by God, we are to love others the way Christ loved us and gave himself up for us on the cross. And since God has given us this desire to love others, we have become a friend of God the Father through Jesus' death and resurrection. So we participate in the body of believers (that being the church) to bear fruit that will last. So when we pray we are praying for that very thing. Our prayers are for the eternal purposes of God, not for our immediate gratification. Often our prayers will just be to keep us focused on our eternal inheritance with Jesus, like the line-man focused on winning. It's when we stop praying for the Kingdom and start praying for ourselves that we become angry and frustrated with our situations. It is in these times where we bring the whole church down with our reviling and complaining. It is in these times that we fall into sin and God chooses to take us out of the game to discipline us so that we will be ready to go back in and be useful to God for His good purposes.
So now when we ask the Father for something in Jesus' name, we should be convinced that God will provide what we need. Notice when a pastor prays before he gives a message; he doesn't ask that people would be comfortable with His words. He does not ask for the time to go by quickly so he can eat lunch sooner. He doesn't beg God for something unless He is convinced by the Spirit that he or the congregation need it. What is it that the pastor will often pray for? He'll pray for humility to speak the words clearly, for the Holy Spirit to move the hearts of his parishioners, for grace in his teaching as he is not perfect at speaking, etc.... He prays for the things of the Kingdom! Remember, Jesus has shown us the will of God so we know, just as our pastor knows, what to pray for.
And this is how we should pray daily: Constantly repenting of our earthly desires, turning to let God put His armor on His saints, whom He has chosen to bear His good fruit, that He will persevere so that we may have the freedom to ask of the Father in the name of Christ, Jesus our Lord and Saviour, knowing that He has given us the power of the Holy Spirit to receive the gifts of the Kingdom for His good purpose. Amen. Amen. Amen.
But let's examine that paragraph of text for a moment. You know the one in John 15 right after Jesus explains that He is the vine and His Father the vine-dresser? I'll put it in blockquotes so you can see it more easily:
"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another." (John 15:12-17 ESV)The first thing we should notice is that the reason that God even gives us a command is so that we would love one another as He loved us. And what kind of love is that? It's sacrificial love. And so if we are doing what Jesus commands, then we are what? Not servants, not slaves, but friends. And isn't it true that when you are striving with a friend for the same goal that you will not feel obligated to work together for the sake of that goal, but rather it is your joy to participate in reaching that goal with your friend? Is the line-man a slave to the quarterback (to use a football analogy)? Is the quarterback in servitude to the kicker? No, though their roles differ in size and scope, the proper use of their talents are necessary to win the game. And we know this because we rejoice equally in winning. Certainly there are players who will benefit more than others, but the team fights together to win because they all celebrate in winning together.
And this is how Jesus defines "friend" in this passage. Because we are working alongside Jesus in loving one another sacrificially as he has shown us to do, we are his friends, not his servants or slaves. So the work that we do for the Kingdom is not blind obedience because "...all that [Jeusus has] heard from [His] Father [He has] made known to [us]." Jesus makes known to us the will of God! We are not blind to the will of God, like the offensive line-man is not blind do the will of the team. Though often all he sees are the angry faces of the d-line, he is focused and determined because he is committed to the goal of the team. Similarly the Christian (though often he will only see the world and its sinfulness) is committed to the goals, workings, righteousness, and love of the Church for God's good purpose.
Think of the team as the church for a moment and Jesus as the head coach. First and foremost, the players do not choose their coach, the coach chooses them. We did not choose Jesus, he has chosen us. Secondly the players do not write the plays, the coach writes the plays. But here's where something really cool happens. The greatness of this coach, who is analogous to Jesus, doesn't sit down and write generic plays that are meant to be executed with a chance of success. Rather, this coach looks at his team, who are his friends because they come willingly for the coach's purpose, not their own, and he invents plays specifically designed for each player so that they will succeed one hundred percent of the time.
Now there is no football team who can perform like this, but if we could imagine that such a team existed, it would be analogous to the church and the purposes of the church. Because Jesus looks at us, those of us who are no longer under the bondage of slavery, who have been chosen to be friends of God, and He knows our strengths and he knows our weaknesses, He knows our needs and our wants, He knows us inside and out, through and through. And since He is absolutely sovereign, God the Father writes the plays for the church. And each play is perfect, each having a 100% success rate. There is no "chance" in God's sovereignty. If there were chance then we would have a problem with existence. But since God exists, chance does not. And this is what Jesus means when he says that the fruit we bear should abide. It means that when we gain yardage on a play, we don't lose it. We don't give up that yardage because God sustains it. God keeps the church. God maintains His saints. We persevere because God makes us to!
And so we are Jesus' friends because he chose us to be a part of the church and to follow in His example of love so that we can bear fruit so that our fruit should abide so that "whatever [we] ask the Father in [Jesus'] name, he may give [us]." And here's where the prayer comes in. Because the line-man does not pray for a new car when he sets for the hike. He asks for strength to block who he needs to block. He asks for courage to stand His ground when the play gets rough. He asks for wisdom to make well informed quick decisions. He asks for endurance to make it through the quarter. He'll even ask God to be with His team-mates, to keep them fit for action and not wavering in their work for the team. If he stops looking to the prize, if he stops fighting, or if he starts working out of obligation instead of out of a common purpose with the coach, then the player will become fatigued and frustrated. He will fight his coach instead of the opposing team, he will bring others down with him, he will demoralize the team and without delay, the coach will see the lack of focus and insubordination and the coach will take him out.
Likewise, and here's where it gets rough, the Christian does not pray for a better situation. He does not pray that his living situation will change, he does not pray that some girl will like him, he does not pray that he can sin and get away with it. Rather the Christian prays for the armor of God.
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak." (Ephesians 6:10-20 ESV)Note the extreme emphasis on spiritual warfare here. And when you get down to verse 18 where it says that we are to pray, it says more than just to pray a lot. It says to pray "...at all times in the Spirit ... with all prayer and supplication .... keep alert with all perseverance ... making supplication for all the saints." These four prepositional phrases give us the basic framework of whose authority we pray with and what we pray for: How often do we pray? Always. By whose authority? The Holy Spirit dwelling in us. For what purpose? So that we keep alert with all perseverance. For what do we pray? For all the saints; yourself, yes, but for the church as well.
Here's the big picture: Because we're chosen by God, we are to love others the way Christ loved us and gave himself up for us on the cross. And since God has given us this desire to love others, we have become a friend of God the Father through Jesus' death and resurrection. So we participate in the body of believers (that being the church) to bear fruit that will last. So when we pray we are praying for that very thing. Our prayers are for the eternal purposes of God, not for our immediate gratification. Often our prayers will just be to keep us focused on our eternal inheritance with Jesus, like the line-man focused on winning. It's when we stop praying for the Kingdom and start praying for ourselves that we become angry and frustrated with our situations. It is in these times where we bring the whole church down with our reviling and complaining. It is in these times that we fall into sin and God chooses to take us out of the game to discipline us so that we will be ready to go back in and be useful to God for His good purposes.
So now when we ask the Father for something in Jesus' name, we should be convinced that God will provide what we need. Notice when a pastor prays before he gives a message; he doesn't ask that people would be comfortable with His words. He does not ask for the time to go by quickly so he can eat lunch sooner. He doesn't beg God for something unless He is convinced by the Spirit that he or the congregation need it. What is it that the pastor will often pray for? He'll pray for humility to speak the words clearly, for the Holy Spirit to move the hearts of his parishioners, for grace in his teaching as he is not perfect at speaking, etc.... He prays for the things of the Kingdom! Remember, Jesus has shown us the will of God so we know, just as our pastor knows, what to pray for.
And this is how we should pray daily: Constantly repenting of our earthly desires, turning to let God put His armor on His saints, whom He has chosen to bear His good fruit, that He will persevere so that we may have the freedom to ask of the Father in the name of Christ, Jesus our Lord and Saviour, knowing that He has given us the power of the Holy Spirit to receive the gifts of the Kingdom for His good purpose. Amen. Amen. Amen.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
More Than a Conqueror
So looking back at a post in October, I recognized somewhat of a pattern in my life. I guess I should be more specific. I've recognized a good pattern in my life. It's far too easy for me to see all the poor patterns, creature comforts, or addictions that I conform to in everyday life. But out of what seems to be nowhere, I'm seeing something that I've never seen before.
Back during last summer I thought for sure that I was going to transfer to a 4 year university somewhere in the mid-west and study engineering there before coming home and finding a job. My dad was encouraging it, and I thought for sure it was the best idea for me to have the best career. But as the fall semester started moving along, that passion for having the best career and going to the best school and making the most money just started to become unappealing to me. I didn't understand it at the time but I really struggled with my course-load through October and November.
There was, however, proof of some amazing insight that I had on October 3rd 2010, and I wrote it here: http://perseveranceotsaints.blogspot.com/2010/10/growing-up.html. And after that I found that my heart was drawn more and more towards CSULB, and towards my friends and family in Long Beach. Particularly those friends that I had made at Bethany.
The miracle that I believe occurred was me applying and getting into CSULB for the Spring semester. I mean I didn't think my grades were good enough for the engineering program, I applied at the last minute, I wouldn't have known about it if God hadn't provided a counselor to tell me to apply that very day, and I would have applied to a bunch of other schools, wasting hundreds of dollars in app fees had I not been directed by the Lord to log onto "mycsulb" and notice that I was accepted to the university on the very same night when I was planning on sending out those other applications.
So here I am, wisdom teeth gone, and one more week of work and freedom left before starting classes at CSULB, and I can't say that there is any part of me that deserves credit for where I'm at today. Don't get me wrong, it brings tears to my eyes to hear my mother tell me how proud of me she is, but I didn't do this. If anything, I failed, and failed, and then failed some more. But despite all my failures, despite all my problems, God has provided for me. Not because I wanted Him to, or because he wants me to make a lot of money, but to show how awesome He is.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly places with every spiritual blessing." - Ephesians 1:3
I do not see my glory, I see only the glory of a holy, perfect, and righteous God. Only He would know how happy this would make me. Only He would know how to bring my heart to its knees. Only He knows my inner parts, for he has known me from the beginning of time, before the foundations of the earth.
So what is this pattern I speak of? Simply that God takes care of me. When I was in high school, he saved me from an LSD overdose; when I was playing the part in a bad relationship, He pulled me away from my sin and set my eyes on His throne; He showed me the poorest of the poor in eastern africa. He showed me broken families, refugees from war torn villages, children who were once soldiers; forced to kill their parents and watch their siblings be raped. He opened up his word and showed me the true gospel. He showed me that his hand is more tender towards the failures of this world than to the self-esteemed righteous ones. He took me out of debt and brought me back to school. He saved my father's soul and now we talk about His Son regularly. He brought me to Bethany and taught me to lead others. He is good, my Lord, my Shepherd, my first love, and He continues to love me and drag me back to my knees again and again in repentance to pursue a loving God who has pursued me through all my failures and wrongdoings.
And all this so that I can look back on my life and say without a doubt that the only consistently good thing in my life since I was born has been the providence of God. It amazes me that some (particularly those that follow a pelagian or semi-pelagian view of scripture) would argue that God is not absolutely sovereign over all things. I see no way to deny that God, through his providence, has not made all these things to happen for His glory. I see no way to deny my election into the Kingdom of God, and I see no reason that I would want to. For this pattern to cease would be my death, but life is waiting for me, life everlasting. To live forever with the one who sustains me and draws me closer to Him. And so now draw me closer O God! And have me to follow all the more. I am yours and you are mine. Forever will I worship, forever will I praise Your holy name! Amen! Amen! Amen!
Back during last summer I thought for sure that I was going to transfer to a 4 year university somewhere in the mid-west and study engineering there before coming home and finding a job. My dad was encouraging it, and I thought for sure it was the best idea for me to have the best career. But as the fall semester started moving along, that passion for having the best career and going to the best school and making the most money just started to become unappealing to me. I didn't understand it at the time but I really struggled with my course-load through October and November.
There was, however, proof of some amazing insight that I had on October 3rd 2010, and I wrote it here: http://perseveranceotsaints.blogspot.com/2010/10/growing-up.html. And after that I found that my heart was drawn more and more towards CSULB, and towards my friends and family in Long Beach. Particularly those friends that I had made at Bethany.
The miracle that I believe occurred was me applying and getting into CSULB for the Spring semester. I mean I didn't think my grades were good enough for the engineering program, I applied at the last minute, I wouldn't have known about it if God hadn't provided a counselor to tell me to apply that very day, and I would have applied to a bunch of other schools, wasting hundreds of dollars in app fees had I not been directed by the Lord to log onto "mycsulb" and notice that I was accepted to the university on the very same night when I was planning on sending out those other applications.
So here I am, wisdom teeth gone, and one more week of work and freedom left before starting classes at CSULB, and I can't say that there is any part of me that deserves credit for where I'm at today. Don't get me wrong, it brings tears to my eyes to hear my mother tell me how proud of me she is, but I didn't do this. If anything, I failed, and failed, and then failed some more. But despite all my failures, despite all my problems, God has provided for me. Not because I wanted Him to, or because he wants me to make a lot of money, but to show how awesome He is.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly places with every spiritual blessing." - Ephesians 1:3
I do not see my glory, I see only the glory of a holy, perfect, and righteous God. Only He would know how happy this would make me. Only He would know how to bring my heart to its knees. Only He knows my inner parts, for he has known me from the beginning of time, before the foundations of the earth.
So what is this pattern I speak of? Simply that God takes care of me. When I was in high school, he saved me from an LSD overdose; when I was playing the part in a bad relationship, He pulled me away from my sin and set my eyes on His throne; He showed me the poorest of the poor in eastern africa. He showed me broken families, refugees from war torn villages, children who were once soldiers; forced to kill their parents and watch their siblings be raped. He opened up his word and showed me the true gospel. He showed me that his hand is more tender towards the failures of this world than to the self-esteemed righteous ones. He took me out of debt and brought me back to school. He saved my father's soul and now we talk about His Son regularly. He brought me to Bethany and taught me to lead others. He is good, my Lord, my Shepherd, my first love, and He continues to love me and drag me back to my knees again and again in repentance to pursue a loving God who has pursued me through all my failures and wrongdoings.
And all this so that I can look back on my life and say without a doubt that the only consistently good thing in my life since I was born has been the providence of God. It amazes me that some (particularly those that follow a pelagian or semi-pelagian view of scripture) would argue that God is not absolutely sovereign over all things. I see no way to deny that God, through his providence, has not made all these things to happen for His glory. I see no way to deny my election into the Kingdom of God, and I see no reason that I would want to. For this pattern to cease would be my death, but life is waiting for me, life everlasting. To live forever with the one who sustains me and draws me closer to Him. And so now draw me closer O God! And have me to follow all the more. I am yours and you are mine. Forever will I worship, forever will I praise Your holy name! Amen! Amen! Amen!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
may Your name...
It is easy to be angry. It is easy to speak in riddles, to laugh and curse and jest in ways that seem to comfort. But no comfort is found in evil words or evil thoughts. And my frustration leads to no greater a sin than that which is committed against me. How easy is loneliness to breach my heart when hurt falls so sudden. And how sullen is my face, even in the light of such great promises. "I will never leave you nor forsake you..." the words whisper through my head and the holiness of the Most High is known even in the darkest corners of the earth. "Day unto day utters speech, and night unto night shows knowledge." What can I say to a God whose name is to be hallowed above all other names? How can I be angry, how can I be so self-righteous?
And yet still, anger is easy. It's much easier than love, as the Switchfoot song says, to fall to the devices of man; to turn to creature comforts rather than the might of a loving Father. What blessing can i justify for myself that I can hold so bleakly out of the reach of my brothers and sisters? Oh and should I play favorites? To accept the burden of pleasing some at the expense of my calling? And what does argument do except intensify my love of my own pride, my own position.
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." So do I have any right to my anger? No, let my tears be great and my mourning increase for my sins are terrible. Indeed, let there be forgiveness on my lips as my King has first forgiven me. Let me then, forgive those in my midst, and I pray they would forgive me. Oh that Your name would be known, O LORD!!! And may your love be shown. For there is no love without sacrifice, and there is no sacrifice without burden. So teach me to carry the cross that you have for me to carry, and leave me not to carry it hence alone. But rather as your name is blessed in my soul, give me strength to bless your name to those whom You love. That I may love them also. And remove, O LORD, the sin from my heart. Replace my heart of stone with a heart of flesh. Renew within me a new heart, a heart of love, of joy, of peace, of patience, and continued perseverance for Your name to be lifted high.
O LORD, may Your name be lifted high.
May Your name be lifted high!
And yet still, anger is easy. It's much easier than love, as the Switchfoot song says, to fall to the devices of man; to turn to creature comforts rather than the might of a loving Father. What blessing can i justify for myself that I can hold so bleakly out of the reach of my brothers and sisters? Oh and should I play favorites? To accept the burden of pleasing some at the expense of my calling? And what does argument do except intensify my love of my own pride, my own position.
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." So do I have any right to my anger? No, let my tears be great and my mourning increase for my sins are terrible. Indeed, let there be forgiveness on my lips as my King has first forgiven me. Let me then, forgive those in my midst, and I pray they would forgive me. Oh that Your name would be known, O LORD!!! And may your love be shown. For there is no love without sacrifice, and there is no sacrifice without burden. So teach me to carry the cross that you have for me to carry, and leave me not to carry it hence alone. But rather as your name is blessed in my soul, give me strength to bless your name to those whom You love. That I may love them also. And remove, O LORD, the sin from my heart. Replace my heart of stone with a heart of flesh. Renew within me a new heart, a heart of love, of joy, of peace, of patience, and continued perseverance for Your name to be lifted high.
O LORD, may Your name be lifted high.
May Your name be lifted high!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot?
In timing with the New Year I have decided to map out the calendar year by its months according to how my brain imagines them when i close my eyes. To begin, when I close my eyes and think of the year, I imagine each month like any wall calendar, except the pages run together and form a giant multi-colored abstract loop. The colors are sensitive to their location in the year and will often vary slightly, but stay generally the same. Below I will outline some basics about each month as I see them.
1. January
Color: Light Purple
Food: Leftovers
Beer: Samuel Adams Winter Lager
This isn't my favorite month of the year, but I must begin with it. Despite its significance of being at the beginning of the year, it really only fosters a sense of stale pleasure to me. It's always back to school and back to work and everyone's gotta diet and tell you about it and hold it over your head. I'm sure I'll be doing the same thing in some strange way, perhaps running more, or trying to wake up earlier. Especially as I start my year at CSULB, perhaps it will be a tad more enjoyable than most years, but I think, for some reason, it's still gonna be January.
"All things are full of weariness;
a man cannot utter it;
the eye is not satisfied with seeing,
nor the ear filled with hearing.
What has been is what will be,
and what has been done is what will be done,
and there is nothing new under the sun."
- Ecclesiastes 1:8-9
2. February
Color: Dark Blue
Food: Homemade Chicken, Rice, and Vegetable Soup.
Beer: Bitburger (Belgian White)
And then just before winter's end there's that month that is too short to often even be noticed. I always seem to be short of cash this month, and probably because my bills are still due on the same day of the next month, and yet there are quite a few days less. For someone who would prefer to have more days in the year, taking three out just isn't a good idea. Man this is more depressing than I thought it would be.
"He provides food for those who fear him;
he remembers his covenant forever."
- Psalm 111:5
3. March
Color: Turquoise
Food: Linguine al Arrabbiata
Beer: BJ's Jeremiah Red
By now the routines have set in and life gets a bit more interesting. The coolness of winter is starting to die and I'm beginning to notice the successes of that diet I started two months ago. I'm looking forward to Easter, and spring break, and mid-terms being over. Maybe I'll make ten lbs of pasta and invite my friends over.
"For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God."
- Romans 8:19-21
4: April:
Color: Light, Forest Green
Food: Steak and Potatoes
Beer: Stone IPA
Finally some heat! I'll be looking forward to a couple of cold ones and a huge steak basking in the sun in my grandmother's garden at a family bbq after celebrating the resurrection of my Lord. Laughter, joy, friends and family as new meaning is given to the word communion every year.
“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field."
- Matthew 13:44
5. May
Color: Deep Green
Food: Grilled Chicken Salad
Beer: Stella Artois
Feeling the intensity of the school semester with finals soon, and the desire to be at the beach instead of in a library becomes all the more enticing. I'll push myself too hard this month, but it will feel good and you couldn't stop me if you tried.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..."
- Hebrews 12:1
6. June
Color: Sky Blue
Food: Double Bacon Cheeseburger, xtra Pickles, Fries, Pop
Drink: Coca-Cola
Airplanes, beaches, waves, cold ones, anticipation for the fun of the summer months ahead, and the summer class that I surely signed up for...
"...looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."
- Hebrews 12:2
7. July
Color: Bright Yellow
Food: Apocalypse Dog
Drink: Hen-Dubs Root Beer
Friends and worship nights, bike rides to long beach, long days, movie nights, stars, explosives, fires, and bbqs. In a word: SUMMER!
"Oh sing to the LORD a new song;
sing to the LORD, all the earth!
Sing to the LORD, bless his name;
tell of his salvation from day to day."
- Psalm 96:1-2
8. August
Color: Yellow Orange
Food: Beer Roasted Chicken
Beer: Peroni
HOT!!! And by now, I'm darn tired of it. Long boring summer days start to drain my creativity and the depression sets in. The end of all summers is at hand, and as bad as my heart doesn't want it to leave, you'll finally hear me complaining about how much I can't wait to be back in school.
"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."
- Galatians 6:9
9. September
Color: Red
Food: Nachos
Beer: Killians Irish Red
Go! Go! Go! By far the busiest month of the year, and still hot to boot! At least it is in so-cal. With so many church activities, classes starting, and I can never seem to manage to stay on top of it all. Oh well, the good months are coming...
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."
- Ephesians 6:10-12
10. October
Color: Orange
Food: Pasta, Bread-sticks, n' Pizza!
Beer: BJ's Pumpkin Ale
You can smell it, and it smells amazing! There is nothing like the smell of October, it is my favorite month of the year, and not just cuz my birthday is in it. I love the shorter, cooler days, the midterms don't seem all that bad, and all my friends seem like they want to give one last hoorah to the world before being sucked into the joyful terrors of the holiday season.
"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
- Ephesians 5:1-2
11. November
Color: Brown
Food: Turkey, stuffing, mashed taters!
Beer: Alaskan Amber
A good mix between October and December, except it seems like everyone's always sick and it isn't until Thanksgiving when we all realize that Christmas is coming soon.
"For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer."
- 1 Timothy 4:4-5
12. December
Color: White
Food: Lamb, Carrots, Cookies n' stuff!
Beer: Sierra Nevada Pale Ale (it tastes like Christmas!!!)
The year always ends with tons of rushing around and then Wham! It's Christmas! Turkey, cookies, lamb, cookies, potatoes, cookies... did I mention cookies? :) I'll probably spend the day after Christmas just lounging around the house being lazy and writing some silly blog...
"For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and of peace
there will be no end,
on the throne of David and over his kingdom,
to establish it and to uphold it
with justice and with righteousness
from this time forth and forevermore.
The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this."
- Isaiah 9:6-7
Oh well, that's how I see it. Merry Christmas to all and to all a Happy New Year!!!
1. January
Color: Light Purple
Food: Leftovers
Beer: Samuel Adams Winter Lager
This isn't my favorite month of the year, but I must begin with it. Despite its significance of being at the beginning of the year, it really only fosters a sense of stale pleasure to me. It's always back to school and back to work and everyone's gotta diet and tell you about it and hold it over your head. I'm sure I'll be doing the same thing in some strange way, perhaps running more, or trying to wake up earlier. Especially as I start my year at CSULB, perhaps it will be a tad more enjoyable than most years, but I think, for some reason, it's still gonna be January.
"All things are full of weariness;
a man cannot utter it;
the eye is not satisfied with seeing,
nor the ear filled with hearing.
What has been is what will be,
and what has been done is what will be done,
and there is nothing new under the sun."
- Ecclesiastes 1:8-9
2. February
Color: Dark Blue
Food: Homemade Chicken, Rice, and Vegetable Soup.
Beer: Bitburger (Belgian White)
And then just before winter's end there's that month that is too short to often even be noticed. I always seem to be short of cash this month, and probably because my bills are still due on the same day of the next month, and yet there are quite a few days less. For someone who would prefer to have more days in the year, taking three out just isn't a good idea. Man this is more depressing than I thought it would be.
"He provides food for those who fear him;
he remembers his covenant forever."
- Psalm 111:5
3. March
Color: Turquoise
Food: Linguine al Arrabbiata
Beer: BJ's Jeremiah Red
By now the routines have set in and life gets a bit more interesting. The coolness of winter is starting to die and I'm beginning to notice the successes of that diet I started two months ago. I'm looking forward to Easter, and spring break, and mid-terms being over. Maybe I'll make ten lbs of pasta and invite my friends over.
"For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God."
- Romans 8:19-21
4: April:
Color: Light, Forest Green
Food: Steak and Potatoes
Beer: Stone IPA
Finally some heat! I'll be looking forward to a couple of cold ones and a huge steak basking in the sun in my grandmother's garden at a family bbq after celebrating the resurrection of my Lord. Laughter, joy, friends and family as new meaning is given to the word communion every year.
“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field."
- Matthew 13:44
5. May
Color: Deep Green
Food: Grilled Chicken Salad
Beer: Stella Artois
Feeling the intensity of the school semester with finals soon, and the desire to be at the beach instead of in a library becomes all the more enticing. I'll push myself too hard this month, but it will feel good and you couldn't stop me if you tried.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..."
- Hebrews 12:1
6. June
Color: Sky Blue
Food: Double Bacon Cheeseburger, xtra Pickles, Fries, Pop
Drink: Coca-Cola
Airplanes, beaches, waves, cold ones, anticipation for the fun of the summer months ahead, and the summer class that I surely signed up for...
"...looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."
- Hebrews 12:2
7. July
Color: Bright Yellow
Food: Apocalypse Dog
Drink: Hen-Dubs Root Beer
Friends and worship nights, bike rides to long beach, long days, movie nights, stars, explosives, fires, and bbqs. In a word: SUMMER!
"Oh sing to the LORD a new song;
sing to the LORD, all the earth!
Sing to the LORD, bless his name;
tell of his salvation from day to day."
- Psalm 96:1-2
8. August
Color: Yellow Orange
Food: Beer Roasted Chicken
Beer: Peroni
HOT!!! And by now, I'm darn tired of it. Long boring summer days start to drain my creativity and the depression sets in. The end of all summers is at hand, and as bad as my heart doesn't want it to leave, you'll finally hear me complaining about how much I can't wait to be back in school.
"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."
- Galatians 6:9
9. September
Color: Red
Food: Nachos
Beer: Killians Irish Red
Go! Go! Go! By far the busiest month of the year, and still hot to boot! At least it is in so-cal. With so many church activities, classes starting, and I can never seem to manage to stay on top of it all. Oh well, the good months are coming...
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."
- Ephesians 6:10-12
10. October
Color: Orange
Food: Pasta, Bread-sticks, n' Pizza!
Beer: BJ's Pumpkin Ale
You can smell it, and it smells amazing! There is nothing like the smell of October, it is my favorite month of the year, and not just cuz my birthday is in it. I love the shorter, cooler days, the midterms don't seem all that bad, and all my friends seem like they want to give one last hoorah to the world before being sucked into the joyful terrors of the holiday season.
"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
- Ephesians 5:1-2
11. November
Color: Brown
Food: Turkey, stuffing, mashed taters!
Beer: Alaskan Amber
A good mix between October and December, except it seems like everyone's always sick and it isn't until Thanksgiving when we all realize that Christmas is coming soon.
"For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer."
- 1 Timothy 4:4-5
12. December
Color: White
Food: Lamb, Carrots, Cookies n' stuff!
Beer: Sierra Nevada Pale Ale (it tastes like Christmas!!!)
The year always ends with tons of rushing around and then Wham! It's Christmas! Turkey, cookies, lamb, cookies, potatoes, cookies... did I mention cookies? :) I'll probably spend the day after Christmas just lounging around the house being lazy and writing some silly blog...
"For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and of peace
there will be no end,
on the throne of David and over his kingdom,
to establish it and to uphold it
with justice and with righteousness
from this time forth and forevermore.
The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this."
- Isaiah 9:6-7
Oh well, that's how I see it. Merry Christmas to all and to all a Happy New Year!!!
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